Finishing Up...Finally!

#13 in 50 Painting Series and also #2
 in Flora's Bloom True E-course

Sadly, Flora Bowley's Bloom True E-Course is over and after about 7 weeks I haven't even finished one painting. What happened? Life, I guess! Thankfully Life has resumed a normal pace again and I have been slowly pulling this painting together. My first painting underwent a re-do and is back to square one so I haven't included any photos of it yet.

I still struggle with letting go and letting the brush paint freely...I overthink and analyze everything. I have a long way to go in this intuitive process, but I am really enjoying it more than anything I've tried so far. I am going to continue in this direction and see where it leads me.  

The small flower painting below I started a while ago. I've been adding to it with leftover paint from my palette at the end of my painting sessions. I don't remember where I was headed with this pieces, but now it's getting new life in a Flora-esque way.

#14 in 50 Painting Series
10x10 inch

Why?

Why can't I get anything finished?

Why do I jump from technique to technique before giving them a chance?

Why can't I just enjoy the process and not be in a hurry?

Why do I think I need to sell a painting before I call myself an artist?

Why can't I like what I paint?

Why can't I paint in a style that I like?

Why does every one's art look better to me than my own?

Why, Why, Why?

While looking through some "draft" posts I had written a while back, I came across this one that caught my attention. I was clearly feeling frustrated with the whole painting process and doubting why I even paint at all. With my never-ending focus on the end result, I second guess every mark and judge the painting before it's finished. With those habits working against me, how do I even stand a chance? So needless-to-say, I too often quit and start something new, creating this cycle of never finishing anything.

That's why I am totally committing myself to the painting process through practice, practice, practice. I need to embrace the process regardless of the final product whether it's good or bad. I do hate the thought of posting a "bad" painting on my blog, but this IS my journey. It wouldn't be real if I only posted the good stuff, now would it?

I think it comes down to fear. Fear of looking amateurish. Fear of looking like a beginner. I want to be a seasoned artist, but I'm not. This is who I am, a student struggling to find her way. Counting the days until Flora's Bloom True E-course for more guidance on the process.

I Want To Be Great, But I Can't Get Started!!!

"You don't have to be great to get started,
but you have to get started to be great."

~ Les Brown

Today I'm having trouble getting started. I have what I need to paint...time, a clean work surface, quiet and no distractions. My environment and my heart say "Yes" please paint, but my brain says "NO!" My computer isn't cooperating and I don't feel like cleaning-up the Christmas decorating disaster that has taken over the house and I don't work until 1:00. So what's keeping me from painting?????

FEAR? Yes, it's got to be fear! Fear of frustration, fear of not being able to let go and just paint, just play, just enjoy the process. I'm reading "Trust the Process: An Artist's Guide to Letting Go" by Shaun McNiff. Everything he talks about makes sense and while I've been reading I've been really excited about trying some of the exercises. The only thing is...while I've been reading the book, I haven't painted once. Nope...not one single time. I'm all about getting ready to do NOTHING! I'm always so worried about the end product or making a mistake that I freeze up and can't think of anything to paint. If I approach the painting with no expectations, how can I mess it up...right? Why can't I just LOOSEN UP? My gosh...is it that hard? Why can't I just paint 50 paintings of nothing and not care? I'm not getting ANYTHING done anyway...what harm could it do? I'm kinda getting frustrated with myself...can you tell? Anyhow, I'm just in that kind of mood today...do you ever get that way? Please say "YES."