Why?

Why can't I get anything finished?

Why do I jump from technique to technique before giving them a chance?

Why can't I just enjoy the process and not be in a hurry?

Why do I think I need to sell a painting before I call myself an artist?

Why can't I like what I paint?

Why can't I paint in a style that I like?

Why does every one's art look better to me than my own?

Why, Why, Why?

While looking through some "draft" posts I had written a while back, I came across this one that caught my attention. I was clearly feeling frustrated with the whole painting process and doubting why I even paint at all. With my never-ending focus on the end result, I second guess every mark and judge the painting before it's finished. With those habits working against me, how do I even stand a chance? So needless-to-say, I too often quit and start something new, creating this cycle of never finishing anything.

That's why I am totally committing myself to the painting process through practice, practice, practice. I need to embrace the process regardless of the final product whether it's good or bad. I do hate the thought of posting a "bad" painting on my blog, but this IS my journey. It wouldn't be real if I only posted the good stuff, now would it?

I think it comes down to fear. Fear of looking amateurish. Fear of looking like a beginner. I want to be a seasoned artist, but I'm not. This is who I am, a student struggling to find her way. Counting the days until Flora's Bloom True E-course for more guidance on the process.

Bloom True E-Course

This is one of my experiments in Flora's style of painting.

I LOVE Flora Bowley's work and have been trying to attend one of her workshops for a few years now. Since I can't seem to make that happen, I just signed up for her brand new e-course "Bloom True." I'm soooo excited...can hardly wait! She also has a book coming out in May...so looking forward to that too!

This course is another step in my quest to focus on the process not the product. Just finishing up my last painting for Wyanne's "Paint Free" e-course. I made the mistake of envisioning the final painting and now it's not unfolding as I envisioned...but I'm going with it and seeing where it ends up. So far I'm liking it!

It's funny, I read an article in CPS Jan/Feb 2012 by Tiffany Teske "The lessons I learned by making art," and she described me perfectly. One of her lessons was to let go of perfection because it's impossible to accomplish. In her teaching experience, students who are perfectionist (that's me) often give up before they have put in enough time and practice to improve. The happy painters are the ones who embrace their mistakes as learning experiences and make a lot of art.

I'm slowly shifting to a non-perfectionist way of thinking and developing an attitude of discovery. It's a very hard shift to paint with an attitude of "freeness" and "fearlessness" but I'm committed to it. So in between working on paintings for Flora's class, I'm going to continue my 50 Painting Series. I have about 7 pieces started so far.

What I Want for 2012

Practice Painting #1

First, without sounding too negative, I want to state what I DON'T want for 2012. I don't want a bunch of expectations of myself that, when not met, leave me feeling like a failure, a loser, a procrastinator, or just plain pathetic.

What I DO want for 2012 is simple...to learn to paint for the process alone, to have fun, to paint what I want, not what will sell, to develop my style through my mistakes, not my masterpieces.  In this post, I asked myself "Why can't I just paint 50 paintings of nothing and not care? I'm not getting ANYTHING done anyway...what harm could it do?"  So now I'm taking the steps to embrace the process simply for the process and starting my 50 Practice Painting Series. I remember reading something from Claudine Hellmuth quite a while ago where she mentioned after about her 50th painting she started to see her style emerge.

So here I go, painting for the sake of painting, to see what unfolds when I'm consumed by the process instead of focused on the product. To see what discoveries I make along the way, hoping to turn frustration into fun! Painting #1 above started as a blind squiggle drawing as suggested in Wyanne's e-course "Paint Free."  These faceless beauties are what emerged from my squiggles. I think they're kinda cute in their own unique way!

New Pizza Mac Recipe

Another Recipe for You!

I talk a lot about the cookbook I made, "Home Cooked Goodness - A Collection of Over 140 Family Favorite Beef, Pork and Poultry Recipes." I created it as a Holiday gifts in 2010 and only printed about 50 copies. The plan at the time was to self-publish it and market it myself, but the effort required to do that just seems so overwhelming. So I figured I would turn it into an ebook and offer it as a download. So the next step was to buy Adobe Distiller to create the interactive PDF file, which is still on my list of things to do. But in the meantime, everytime I create a recipe that didn't make it into the printed version of the cookbook, I offer it on  my blog. So here's the latest and greatest. Enjoy!

Pizza Mac
16 oz. elbow macaroni
1 lb. ground beef
½ onion, diced
1 tsp. salt
½ tsp. pepper
6 garlic cloves, minced
1 jar pizza sauce (15 oz.)
½ tsp. Italian seasoning
½ cup parmesan cheese, shredded
1 pkg. pepperoni, sliced (3.5 oz)
1 cup mozzarella cheese, shredded

Cook pasta according to package directions. Meanwhile, in a large skillet cook the ground beef, onion, garlic cloves, salt and pepper over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Stir in pizza sauce, Italian seasoning, parmesan cheese and pepperoni. Add half the cooked macaroni and gently stir; add more macaroni as desired. Serve and top with mozzarella cheese. Serves 6

Love the Layers

Image 1

Image 2

"Release" 16"x24" Acrylic on Canvas

Week four of Wyanne's Paint Free e-course (which I started this summer and can finally say I am half way through...yikes!) was an awesome lesson on layering. The assignment was to write a message then cover part or all of it with paint. We could either sketch in a subject or just paint abstractly. I chose to simply start adding paint to the canvas (I even limited my palette to only 5 colors). After several layers I chose an area I found interesting and used masking fluid in the shape of a heart to save the painting underneath. After adding a little more paint (image 1 above), I saw what looked to me like the shoulders and back of a woman in a low-backed gown gazing at the trees. Even though I have no interest in painting figures, I had to move forward with this vision (image 2 above). I am very pleased with results...I love the FREEdom of painting in this style, no expectations, less frustration, and just FUN!

Holiday Snow Girls

Every year I like to make a homemade gift of some type, especially for the friends or relative I no longer exchange gifts with. I hate to show up empty handed, even if we agreed to it. This year I was inspired by Artist Sue Pelletier's Snowmen and thought they would make adorable gifts. They were a little more time consuming than I had anticipated and quite a messy project. I only had the time and energy to make these nine and didn't even get to make one for myself. I really needed to get the mess cleaned up so I could use my work table for painting. All my painting got put on hold due to the holiday frenzy and I miss it terribly. Paige got an art set for Christmas and has asked to paint everyday since Christmas, so now the Snow Girls are put away and the painting can begin!

I Want To Be Great, But I Can't Get Started!!!

"You don't have to be great to get started,
but you have to get started to be great."

~ Les Brown

Today I'm having trouble getting started. I have what I need to paint...time, a clean work surface, quiet and no distractions. My environment and my heart say "Yes" please paint, but my brain says "NO!" My computer isn't cooperating and I don't feel like cleaning-up the Christmas decorating disaster that has taken over the house and I don't work until 1:00. So what's keeping me from painting?????

FEAR? Yes, it's got to be fear! Fear of frustration, fear of not being able to let go and just paint, just play, just enjoy the process. I'm reading "Trust the Process: An Artist's Guide to Letting Go" by Shaun McNiff. Everything he talks about makes sense and while I've been reading I've been really excited about trying some of the exercises. The only thing is...while I've been reading the book, I haven't painted once. Nope...not one single time. I'm all about getting ready to do NOTHING! I'm always so worried about the end product or making a mistake that I freeze up and can't think of anything to paint. If I approach the painting with no expectations, how can I mess it up...right? Why can't I just LOOSEN UP? My gosh...is it that hard? Why can't I just paint 50 paintings of nothing and not care? I'm not getting ANYTHING done anyway...what harm could it do? I'm kinda getting frustrated with myself...can you tell? Anyhow, I'm just in that kind of mood today...do you ever get that way? Please say "YES."

Random Hearts Find a Home

Paige bit into the center of her bun and left this cute little heart cut-out. She ALWAYS insists that I
take a picture when she discovers a heart, and many times if it's a man-made heart I don't
really want to bother. Thanks to her persistence, I'm ALWAYS glad I did!

Found the above two rock hearts on a trail in Cuyamuca Rancho State Park,
Paseo Picacho Campground in October 2011.

Found this shadow heart on the road after a hike in Julian.
Gotta be quick to catch hearts like this...still waiting for that
cloud heart to make itself known!

My son Scott brought this rock back from Boy Scout Camp
at the Outdoor Education Center where he was a volunteer...
sssshhhh....don't tell!

Makena found this blob of paint one day while her and Paige were painting.
Even the kids friends are on the lookout for hearts. I love this hobby!

Reaching New Heights

I started this painting 3 or 4 months ago hoping to give it to a dear friend for her Birthday. Not liking the outcome too much, I decided to redo only the top half of the painting because I really love how the trees at the bottom turned out...the two trees on top, not so much! 

"Reaching New Heights"
24 x 30 Acrylic, marker, assorted papers on canvas

This is the final piece, finished the day before her birthday. The photo quality is poor...I just couldn't eliminate that darn light reflection. I'm much happier with the two focal trees, but everything turned out a bit darker than I would have liked. It was a fun experiment and I had fun painting it.

Close-up of lower trees.

A Marine Thanksgiving

This year our family was honored to have two of America's Finest Marines join us for a very special Thanksgiving. Pvt. Michael Ranft from Michigan and PFC Roberto Mijares from Missouri who are stationed at Camp Pendleton in California, thousands of miles away from their families. Through the Adopt-A-Marine program, 500 Marines spent the Holiday with families in Southern California. Both Marines just completed Basic Training and recently arrived at Pendleton to complete their Marine Combat Training.

We picked them up from the base about 9 o'clock in the morning, which was the first time they had left the base or seen the ocean, since they've been here. My sister and her family joined us and we spent the day learning about Marine life and the life they left behind, hearing funny stories, and their plans for the future. We also enjoyed lots of food, football, video games, more food and just relaxing. The guys were in no hurry to get back to the base, so they stayed till the very last minute, took the 30 minute drive back to the base so they could enjoy about 1 more hour of liberty. They were very grateful for a Family Thanksgiving, even if it wasn't their own, and a little taken back that strangers would take them into their homes for the day. We enjoyed having them very much and plan to make this our new Thanksgiving tradition. Below are a few more pictures from our fabulous Thanksgiving!

Taco Skillet

Taco Skillet
A quick meal that's sure to please everyone!

1 lb.  ground beef
1 can  condensed tomato soup (10.75 oz.)
½ cup  salsa
1 packet  taco seasoning (or 1-2 tablespoons Tex-Mex Spice Mix)
½ cup  water
6  corn tortillas (6-inch), cut into 1-inch pieces
½ cup  cheddar cheese, shredded
sour cream
green onions
cilantro

Cook beef in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat until browned; drain. Stir in soup, salsa, taco seasoning, water and tortillas; heat to boiling and then reduce heat to low. Cook for 5 minutes; stirring occasionally. Add cheese to skillet and melt.  Serve topped with sour cream, onions and cilantro. Serves 5

Spicy Meatball Stroganoff

I took the summer off and didn't cook dinner due to our hectic swim schedule. We survived on burgers, dogs, quesadilla, burritos and quick meals from Trader Joe's. I've now gotten back into the swing of cooking for may family and have a backlog of recipes to post. Here's the first one I know you will enjoy.

Spicy Meatball Stroganoff

Cayenne pepper adds a little spiciness to this recipes and the premade meatballs make it quick!

1 lb. egg noodles, cooked and drained
1 T. vegetable oil
1 cup onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
½ tsp. paprika
1/8 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 T. butter
¼ cup dry white wine or cooking sherry
2 T.  flour
2 cups   chicken broth
1 T. lemon juice
1 tsp.  dry mustard, ground
1 tsp.   thyme
½ tsp. marjoram
1 cup  cream
28 precooked beef meatballs
salt and pepper to taste

In a large skillet, sauté onion, garlic, paprika and cayenne pepper in oil until onion is soft, about 5 minutes. Add wine to skillet and simmer until liquid is reduced by two-thirds. Sprinkle flour over onion mixture and stir; add chicken broth, lemon juice, mustard, thyme, and marjoram and simmer 10 minutes, or until thickened. Stir in sour cream, meatballs and desired amount of cooked noodles; stir and cook until heated through. Season with salt and pepper. Serves 4-5

Note: 1 cup sliced mushrooms can be added; sauté first in skillet with 1 T. oil until browned, remove and then cook onions as recipe directs (I don't like mushrooms).

Focus Problem?...Who Me?

This week I gathered up all my half finished paintings and was quite surprised by the quantity? I seem to start energetically and then either get too busy to finish or get distracted by another technique or idea and move on. By the time I get back to each painting, I've forgotten the direction I was going with it or can't remember what colors I was using and just get frustrated, starting the cycle over by beginning a new painting. Thus my accumulation of half-baked ideas!

Then to add to the problem...I got a part-time job working at Michael's. I really enjoy helping customers with their projects and get fueled-up by all the crafty stuff I get to see and play with. On the down side...I have less time to paint since most of my extra time is now spent catching up on life. And did I mention that my children are NOT too keen on Mom being gone and not able to do everything for them?

So for now, I'll keep working on finding balance between my domestic responsibilities, working and painting. Wish me luck!

Pieces of Me

I am an original. There is no one quite like me. I'm learning to accept my flaws and my features as pieces of my true self, the curvy, intricate pieces of this puzzle of my existence. The pieces that make up this wonderful person are filled with self-doubt, and doubt keeps me from moving forward. I need to let go of preconceived ideas that my paintings should look a certain way. I need to quit comparing my art to others. I need to embrace each mark I make on the canvas as special and beautiful and unique to me. So what if no one sees the beauty or the meaning or my uniqueness. So what if I don't know what it means either. What comes from inside is mine alone, for me to cherish and celebrate on this journey to be more ME!

New Practice Works on Paper

After re-reading Kelly Rae's Book I decided to turn my fears into affirmations. Behind each stem is a positive phrase which started out as a fear. I took the fear out and put the possibility in. This piece was also to practice some techniques I learned in Paulette Insall's e-course "Color Me Beautiful."

This is another practice piece from Paulette's e-course. After dripping and scraping paint across the paper I tried to find a hidden subject come through in the paint. I saw the heart-shape and created a weird looking tree around it. I really enjoy seeing the layers of paint come through and the way the intersecting lines create shapes and color changes.

Another practice piece (12" x 12" on watercolor paper) called "Serenity." Loving the technique of painting around an object instead of filling it in. Love the way the interesting background shows through and again how the intersecting lines create great color changing opportunities. I'm trying to move my work more in this direction rather than traditional landscapes where I try to paint exactly what I see. That just frustrates me and I'm finding it boring! This is sooooo much more fun!